i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
