Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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