Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish you could order shots online.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
