the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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