Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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