Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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