Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
