Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
