Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
