no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
