playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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