he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
