I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
