I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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