Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
