I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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