I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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