its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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