CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
