I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
