I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
