She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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