We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
People in love make me want to vomit
i came on her dog
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
