i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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