hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
