once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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