I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
