Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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