I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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