Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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