FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
