Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
