I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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