He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
