If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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