I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
