Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
