The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
