i was born a porn star she said
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
