I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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