Barsexuality is the new black.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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