I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
