Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Text me some of your sweat
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
