As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
