I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
