I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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