Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
