Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
