He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
