I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
