I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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