That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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