Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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