Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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