are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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