nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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