i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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