im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
