Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
